Divorce is a tricky topic and navigating the world of Co parenting when a divorce has been laid out is not the easiest thing to do. In fact, you might find stepping on each other's toes to be your daily norm and you want to get away from any further arguments or fights if you can help it. When you share children, there was once a time in life where you loved each other enough to have those children together and make that unilateral decision to bring life into the world.
You don't have to continue to love each other forever and if you have made the.Into divorce. You now have children who depend on you and who look up to you and will base their entire future relationships on their relationships they view from you. That may sound like a lot of pressure, and it is a lot of pressure, as it should be. As a parent, it's up to you to protect your child, so you need to do what you can to co-parent safely. Let's take a look at some of the tips that you need to make divorce easier on the kids.
Get some help. The reason that you guys have decided to divorce is irrelevant, but the point is there has been a breakdown of communication somewhere and that's going to impact your ability to Co parent effectively regardless of how your relationship ended. You have to be able to come together as a unit to be able to parent your children in the way that you would have done if you'd stayed together. Getting help from places like Turco Legal is vital. Embrace effective communication strategies and learn to work together even if you don't emotionally agree with each other. If one of you has hurt the other one, that needs to be left outside the door where kids are concerned. Keeping it simple and sticking to the essentials is exactly what you need to do to avoid any negativity feeding down into the kids.
Create a united front. When it comes to decision making, as parents, you need to be united in your decisions. You can't have one parent being a yes man and one parent being a no parent because that's how it's going to feel to the children. Usually the parent who has left the home after a divorce is going to be feeling immense amounts of guilt as to how that's going to affect the kids and they'll be looking to spoil and make life easy for them. Unfortunately, that's not going to do very much in terms of parenting together. When kids see that mum and dad can still make decisions like a team, it will be a game changer. It teaches them respect and compromise in helping an adult should work and it's up to you 2 to spread that message.
Put your kids first. It doesn't matter if your ex has hurt you or if you've hurt them. The kids have to come first in every single decision, and you can't make spiteful decisions based on how you feel about your ex partner when it comes to talking about the kids. When you do that, not only do you sink into a new level of low, but you're putting your kids on the line instead of punishing your partner. It cannot be about punishment and it cannot be about working against each other. Putting your kids first in every single decision that you make has to be your default setting and that's how you can Co parent effectively.
Keep the routine consistent. No matter whose house the kids are at across both your homes, you need to make sure that the kids routine remains as consistent as possible. You have the day in and day out grind of parenting to contend with, not just the weekly swap overs. By ensuring that you keep your routine consistent across both houses, you'll be able to ensure that your kids feel safe in the knowledge that they're going to get the same treatment no matter where they go. Consistent routines will always lead to happier and healthier children, and that's the goal.
Implement a conflict free zone. For kids, it's critical to have spaces where they can hang out without getting caught in any other crossfire. It's not for them to witness your disputes, and it's not for them to see the breakdown of your relationship in real time. Yes, it's healthy for children to see parents argue, but not when they're in a divorce phase and the arguments are just slinging mud. It's easy to forget that kids need somewhere safe to go, and you're supposed to be their safest place. A peace treaty in the house is vital, and it should also extend to school events, birthdays, and any awkward family gatherings where you have to be in each other's presence. You were friends once and you can make that decision to be friends again, especially when the kids are the ones affected if you don't.
Keep family outings a thing. Once a month or once every two months, go out together as a family. Your kids need to see that you are able to stay friends and you'll be able to be friends in their presence. When you go out together as a family, you are modeling a different type of family. Your kids are able to see that despite conflict and despite argument, people can still get along, which means they'll be able to model that type of behaviour in their own relationships. Don't forget that your behaviour is going to influence how they see their own personal relationships as they get older. You want that to be a positive experience.
Implement communication strategies with outside agencies. Both you and your partner need to be primary email addresses at school, at the dentist, and at the doctor. Both of you need to be copied in every piece of communication regarding your child's education and health so that you're not relying on the mental load of one another to be able to parent children effectively.
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