7 Methods To Teach Your Daughter Durable Confidence

Confidence is a life skill, one that needs to be developed and sustained even during the difficult parts of life. As we get older we tend to curate and cultivate more of it, because we go through experiences, see ourselves come out the other side, and realize just how much strength can be there. Moreover, confidence also comes from refusing to live by arbitrary standards, such as worrying what people think of you outside of those you respect and love.

While it’s absolutely important to teach our children confidence regardless of gender, and it would be dismissive to suggest anyone, of any identity, cannot experience true hardship, most would agree that the world can be a hard place for women. Thankfully, so many wonderful, powerful and impactful women are finding their voice (and have for quite some time), and so suitably giving them the lessons you’ve learned over the years can be nothing if not helpful.

In this post, we’ll discuss seven methods to teach your daughter(s) durable confidence, in any situation.

Compound Her Self-Worth & Capability

Helping her believe in herself means showing just how much she can do. It’s good to consider focusing on her effort rather than just outcomes though, celebrating the process she went through to solve a problem or complete a task. This approach helps her understand that her value comes from her willingness to try, to persist, and to learn from mistakes.

You can do this by noticing the small moments where she demonstrates capability and point them out. Maybe she figured out how to fix something that broke, or she stood up for a friend, or she worked through a difficult math problem - you’ll find that everyday instances of competence build a foundation that she can draw from later, and can help her trust herself in the small ways.

It's also worth praising her character traits alongside her achievements. Her kindness, her curiosity, her determination all matter as much as anything else.

Never Use Limiting Language

The words we use around our daughters shape how they see themselves and their possibilities. You could try catching yourself before making statements that put invisible boundaries around what she can do or become. Phrases like "girls aren't usually good at that" or "that's not very ladylike" are very out of date.

Instead, language that assumes capability works better. Rather than asking "do you think you can handle this?" you might say "I know you'll figure this out" or "what's your plan for tackling this?" That change really does matter, because it positions her as someone who naturally has what it takes and she doesn’t have to doubt it, nor stand away from being the person who is proactive.

Inflame Her Imagination

A daughter with a vivid imagination can envision herself in any role, any career, or any adventure for that matter. So for your part, you might encourage her to dream big about her future, to play with ideas about what she wants to create or accomplish.

Don’t forget that books, movies, and stories featuring strong female characters help expand her mental picture of what women can be. She needs to see women as scientists, leaders, artists, entrepreneurs, explorers. Fiction can be just as powerful as real examples because it shows her that women can be anything, including things that haven't been done before. It’s true that all women learn of the difficulties of history, but also the beauty and champions of it too, so it’s good to expose her to that where sometimes schooling doesn’t.

Inspire Her Education

Education matters, so you could help her see learning as an adventure as opposed to just a chore. If you can, support her interests wherever they lead, be that in science, art, history, or something completely unexpected.

A daughter who knows her passions are valued feels more confident pursuing them, if nothing else she’ll enjoy her time with the practice. Through this she also learns that her interests matter, which translates into believing her opinions and ideas matter too.

With that, critical thinking skills might be the most valuable gift you can give her.

Help Her Advocate For Herself

Self-advocacy is a muscle that needs exercise, because even we adults can struggle with that from time to time. You might start with small situations where she can practice speaking up for herself, like asking a teacher to explain something she doesn't understand or telling a friend she'd prefer a different game.

You could even enrol her in martial arts so she may know how to physically defend herself, which is great for the confidence of young women. You may even get involved and buy self defense products for women as appropriate, and learn to use them in a responsible way through those lessons.

Teach Her Your Life Lessons (Your Insight Matters!)

Yes, your experiences, both successes and failures, are great teaching tools. You might share stories about times you had to be brave, made mistakes, or overcame a trouble you had issues with, of course in the appropriate way of speaking to a child. These stories help her understand that everyone struggles sometimes, and that confidence comes from learning to handle difficulties.

Be honest about your own journey with confidence if you’ve struggled too, as maybe you struggled with self-doubt at her age, or you had to learn to trust your instincts. These lessons can help her understand that confidence isn't something people are born with, but something they develop over time, and she’ll feel better going through the challenges we all have.

Give Her Time

Just remember that all confidence develops slowly, through repeated experiences of handling challenges and discovering her own strength. You might resist the urge to rush her development or compare her progress to other children. Each daughter finds her confidence at her own pace.

Remember (and teach her) the lesson that confidence isn't about being fearless or never doubting yourself, but believing you can handle whatever comes your way. A daughter who knows she has your support while she builds her own strength develops the kind of confidence that lasts a lifetime!

With this advice, you’ll be sure to raise a self-assured, textured, intelligent and strong daughter!